Woman Accused Of Fat-Shaming After Not Letting Overweight Friend Ride Horse

A Reddit user wondered whether she was in the wrong for not allowing her friend to ride her horse because she was overweight.

Reddit/krr0421 Image: Unsplash

OP said that she had two horses that she would often offer to her friends to ride recreationally.

Reddit/krr0421

For background, i have 2 horses. Both are older (mid to late 20s), but one is very old (nearing 30), small (just above pony size and just under 1000 lbs) and has some back and hip issues. 

Her older horse does a good job despite her age but OP is within the weight limit that may be comfortable for her horse.

Reddit/krr0421

She is still in great shape for her age, is very muscular, and still enjoys riding. We trail ride up the mountains near our barn, usually 1.5-2 hours a ride, and they can be difficult and steep, but she does great with me (I am taller but weigh around 115 lbs).

She added that whenever she brings her friends along, she allows them to ride her older horse because the younger one was still learning the ropes. 

Reddit/krr0421 Image: Unsplash

When I bring friends riding, they ride the smaller, older horse and I ride the younger one. This is because the younger horse is very sensitive and not beginner friendly whereas the older one is not sensitive and great for all levels of riding. 

This means that OP needs to be careful with who she lets ride her two horses.

Reddit/krr0421

Because of aforementioned issues, I am selective about who I let ride her as it’s difficult for her to carry too much weight, especially up the steep hills and for an extended period of time.

A friend of OP's asked whether they could come along for a ride. OP declined and explained the weight limit in question. 

Reddit/krr0421

I have a friend who is well over 200 lbs, does not know anything about horses, and asked to ride with me. I said no and was honest about why, but still offered for her to come groom them and spend time with them on the ground. 

The friend was not happy with the response and was quick to accuse her of fat-shaming. She also added that OP was gatekeeping horses. 

Reddit/krr0421 Image: Unsplash

She went straight to the body shaming tactic, I was skinny so I don’t understand, the horse is fine if she’s always galloping around with me, bigger people deserve to ride too, she’s shorter than me so it evens out, I’m gate keeping horses, etc. 

OP tried to explain that her horse's health came first but her friend was not having it. She took the matter to friends who agreed that OP should be more lenient.

Reddit/krr0421

I just told her my horse was an animal with limitations, not a machine, and that I’m not going to sacrifice her welfare to spare her feelings. She was furious and we haven’t spoken since. Some friends (who all re also not into horses) think one ride would be fine and I’m being an asshole about her weight.

She said she agreed that bigger people can ride horses but that her ones were not equipped to handle the weight limit. 

Reddit/krr0421

I strongly disagree, I even agreed with her that bigger people can ride, they just need a horse suitable for their size and my horse is not that. So, AITA?

OP was happy to have received an overall positive response from the community. 

Reddit/krr0421

Edit: thanks for all the responses guys! This happened a few months ago, but it does get brought up from time To time still so I was curious to see what this sub would think.

Reddit/krr0421

I understand a similar story was posted not that long ago. That was not me, I just joined reddit this week and I’m sorry for the redundancy but I didn’t see that post beforehand.

She further added that she loved sharing her equestrian experience with her friends but that there were some limitations that she needed to keep in mind.

Reddit/krr0421 Image: Unsplash

Edit 2: I love sharing my horses with my friends and wish I had bigger, younger horses so I could take everyone riding! I have many friends who have never ridden before because of weight, some are in great shape and still too big for her, some are overweight and too big for her.

She reiterated that while there are other horses that could cater to everyone just fine, her horses would not be able to do so.

Reddit/krr0421

Those friends have enjoyed coming to visit and loving on them on the ground, and that invitation was extended to this friend as well. She’s not too big to ride in general, she would just need a horse suitable for her and unfortunately neither of mine fit the bill. Her size and other issues unfortunately severely limits who I can take riding.

Commenters said that the horse's welfare superseded 'someone's feelings'.

Reddit/krr0421 Image: Unsplash

NTA. The animal's welfare comes before someone's feelings. It's a shitty situation you found yourself in but you did the right thing.

There was no "nice" way of telling her No. What more can you do?

A plus-sized commenter chimed in saying that they understood OPs perspective and that they were in the right.

Reddit/krr0421

NTA, and I say that as a plus size rider. An older, pony-size horse is not an appropriate mount for a heavier beginner.

Reddit/krr0421

NTA - horses are not cars. Weight matters

Reddit/krr0421

NTA. I'm lighter than your friend but still overweight, and if someone asks my weight for riding (I go every year or two) I will tack on an extra 15-20 pounds because I don't want to be near the limit of what that horse can carry. I want to be relatively easy on the horse.

Reddit/krr0421

FFS. That stupid fucking ‘body shaming’ chestnut needs to get in the bin. ‘Bigger people deserve to ride too’ but no horse deserves to have its back broken or otherwise be injured for the sake of your feefees. NTA.

And what the fuck does ‘gatekeeping horses’ mean? They’re your horses, it’s your job to keep them safe and healthy. Of course you’re fucking gatekeeping them.