Husbands Who Tweet Things Only A Married Man Would Say
By
Editorial Staff in
Funny
On 8th July 2016
Marriage is a sacred institution, not to be entered into lightly. It's a union between two persons who are ready and willing to commit themselves to each other and ONLY each other for the rest of their lives. Or, if you're part of my generation, until the responsibility of a spouse gets to be kind of a minor inconvenience and you can't go out with the boys quite as often as before and, like, you didn't sign up for a whole other family you'd have to do things with, like, God, you're only one person!
Well, in all their glory here today we present you a group of husbands who have clearly managed to survive marriage on their sense of humor and definitely NOT on common sense
#20 God bless (or take) her, she never gets a day off, does she?
#2 "Sorry babe, but you know the deal. Last person to touch the baby changes him!"
#3 Simple. God wasn't putting up with you!
#4 SEE! I'm not making this up.
#5 BETTER people? WIFE's house? My patriarchy is starting to rise up in here!
#6 My father always told me that the world was a school and life was just one big class.
I believed it too, right up until my girl told me he was wrong.
#7 My question is, once he's got the pants, HOW will he wear them?
#8 Bonus points for calling her "McClane" or "Goose" while you do it...I like '80s flicks, sue me.
#9 Secretly, I hoard them for my papier mâché projects!
#10 Hey lady, it could be worse. Could be Star TREK!
#11 Outright aggression can lead to enormous blowouts and phone calls to the police.
Passive-aggression, however, is the way to go because it slowly erodes someone's sanity!
#12 'm almost certain that this is partially what split my parents up. Mom was always cold. Dad blamed her weight...he didn't stand a chance...
#13 It's a little irritating, in all honesty, but it is much more efficient.
#14 When I was a kid and I got into trouble, my mom wouldn't send me to my room.
That's where the toys were. Instead, she'd make me sit in the kitchen and watch her clean. It was awful. This is worse...
#15 *wearing nothing but underwear and a headset mic, PS4 controller still in hand, vibrating wildly*
#16 Her response will be CHILLY, to say the least, amirite?
#17 Aunt May once told Peter that a husband puts his wife first, always. Clearly Uncle Ben never bought them dope-ass bunk beds before he got iced!
#18 After cheating, food is easily the next most volatile aspect of any relationship!
#19 The cat doesn't seem so bad now, does he? At least you'd get some pussy...
#20 "OH baby, it's going to get so hot, steamy and...cheesy...in here?"
