Armed 'schizophrenic' man arrested in plot to kidnap the Obama family's dog Bo claims to be Jesus Christ and 'wanted to talk to the President about the 10 Commandments'
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#1 Jesus F*cking Christ!
A heavily armed man who identified himself as both Jesus Christ and the son of John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe was charged Friday morning for attempting to kidnap one of the Obama family's dogs.
He was actually a crazed North Dakota man named Scott Stockert and he was arrested by Secret Service agents Wednesday night at a Washington, D.C., Hampton Inn with a truck full of unregistered firearms, weapons and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, according to court filings.
"You picked the wrong person to mess with. I will fk your world up," Stockert, 49, told agents who arrested him, according to D.C. court filings.
#2 Good Job Representing The Mid-West!
You know, after this, Fargo and Making A Murderer people from elsewhere in the US are gonna start thinking that everyone in the Midwest is lowkey a crazy person. Driving all the way to DC with enough guns and ammunition to assault Bin Ladens compound in order to kidnap the pet of a public figure is NOT what us Midwesterners do on a normal basis. Claiming you're Jesus Christ and the son of John F. Kennedy and Mailyn Monroe (making JFK God. Hmm.) is almost impressive. It's not like the Secret Service fucks around with threats on the Prez, and claiming you're Jesus is basically just a slap on the face of your captors. It almost deserves a good job. Almost.
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#3 #BlackDogsLivesMatter
But let's talk about the real victims in this ordeal, Obama's pooches. Bo and Sunny, both Portuguese Water Dogs, are just absolutely adorable. These fluffy fuckers deserve better than having a crazy guy try and take them out of their safe space to do what he wants to them. #BlackDogsLivesMatter
