OMG! This Idiot Found A Giant Anaconda In His House And Actually Decided To Touch It

#1 The scariest things to come out of Brazil, after Brazilian waxes of course, are Green Anacondas.

These snakes are some of the largest in the world, weighing up to 200 pounds and reaching 17 feet in length (Wikipedia also claims they feed on "various mammals," no big deal). Take one of these ferocious predators and combine it with a moron and you have a great video. Some brilliant guy in Brazil found an anaconda and not the Drake/ Nicki Minaj kind either in his house and decided that it would be a good idea to touch it.

#2 Apparently, he'd never seen Snakes On A Plane or the Anaconda film series,

...because he was not nearly concerned enough about his potential impending death.

#3 The Anaconda was, shockingly, not too thrilled about being disturbed:

I suppose you could say it "didn't want none." Get it? Side note: let's not casually gloss over the fact that this creature was just CHILLING IN SOME GUY'S HOUSE. This is what nightmares are made of. But, as far as we know, the Brazilian gentleman is okay.

Check out the full video (complete with terrified sound effects) below: