People Confess The Creepiest, Cringiest, Stalker-iest Thing They’ve Ever Done

#1 I obsessively stalked a model’s personal information

"When I was in high school this ad for a local hair salon started popping up on buses and things. It was pretty normal, except there was something terrifying and fascinating about the model. She had a really angular face and equally angular haircut, a smirk, this look in her eye that said she knew all of your darkest secrets and would hold them over your head for the rest of your natural life.

I mentioned it to my friends and they all found her to be rather unnerving too.

So naturally we had to find out who she was.

It wasn't easy, it took a lot of digging on their website to find her picture because they mainly used it for print advertisements. When we did find it a reverse image search didn't help us.

We spent hours combing through the website trying to find the name of their advertising agency, but no dice. We had a friend call them and ask for the name, I don't remember how we justified it, but they wouldn't tell us.

Eventually we found the agency by Googling to see if any agency claimed to represent them. Then we combed through their clients until we found this woman. Most of her modeling headshots were way less unnerving than that advertisement was.

And thenthat was it. We had nothing to do with that information. We never contacted the woman, but I still remember her name and Google her from time to time to see how she's doing."

#2 I sold my soul to the Devil

"I was a lonely child. Though surrounded by many siblings, I felt completely isolated. I sold my soul to the Devil. Here was my train of thought on this spontaneous soul-selling: I asked him for someone to like mea girl to like megirls to like mefor a short period of time (I didn't believe it'd work if I asked for girls to like me forever). A week later a girl kissed me on the cheek and we were dating.' Then she broke up with me two weeks later (DUN DUN DUN). I seriously thought I sold my soul for two weeks of love. Seems to still be the case."

#3 I masturbated to pictures of my dead friend

"I masturbated to Facebook pictures of my friendwho died two years ago."

#4 I shit on my friend’s toothbrush

"I shit on my friend Mitchell's toothbrush."

#5 I unfriended her four years ago but still stalk her Facebook profile daily

"I look at my crush's Facebook profile almost every day.I unfriended her 4 years ago in a futile attempt to get over her."

#6 I drank a blonde girl’s pee

"In high school sister's hot blonde friend came over and they were hanging out in her bedroom. I went into the bathroom and disabled the toilet. Hot blonde went in a while later and of course it wouldn't flush. Afterwards I went in and drank her pee."

#7 I fucked the cleaning lady’s boot

"I fucked the cleaning lady's boot (not to completion, just a few thrusts). It was one of those puffy slipper type things. I thought it was hot to be secretly jacking it a few rooms away from her, then I realized it'd be even hotter to have her walking around not knowing I sexed her foot area."

#8 I stare at people while they eat and sleep

"I've been repeatedly told that staring at people when they eat or sleep is creepy and that I need to stop doing it. Well, until someone finally tells me why it's creepy instead of just telling me "it just is," I'm gonna keep watching people at the food court eat their food. There's so much you can learn about a person by watching them eat a hot dog."

#9 I drew a face on my dick and talked to it

"Got drunk and drew a face on my dick and had a conversation with it."

#10 I helped stuff a dismembered corpse into an oil drum

"I used to live in Paraguay and most things are legal there if you are willing to pay a bribe or keep quiet about it. I had this friend who was studying medicine and he asked me one day if I wanted to go over to his house, hang out and help him with something. I arrived there and this ‘something' he wanted me to help him out with was a dead body. Apparently, for a small price, his professor hooked him up with a corpse. By the time I had arrived, it was already dismembered and missing all the organs. My friend wanted to inspect the bones next, but there was still quite a bit of muscle attached to them, so we went out and bought an empty oil drum from a garage and some lime from a hardware store. It was like something out of Breaking Bad."

#11 I counted the condoms in my parents’ dresser drawer

"I used to regularly check the condoms in my parents' dresser drawer. For some reason I was curious about how often they had sex. I wish I had never found out."

#12 I masturbated to the sounds and smells of a woman defecating

"Basically I am a man of voracious sexual appetite combined with the fatal character flaw of falling in love with every woman who pays me the least bit attention, so one day at work a random girl came in and made delightful small talk with me in a way that really excited my Roosevelt and naturally I decided that I would try to get her to love me, but once she left I realized I'd probably be better off watching from afar before I try to make any move.

Of course I kept a copy of her receipt. I usually did that anyway with hot girls so I could look them up on Facebook and masturbate to their photosit's a university town, so it's easy to narrow down students and if I have their full name it's cake. The best was when girls were buying underwear. Or the ones who were clearly uncomfortable going to a male cashier with their lingerie and were awkward and all that with me but I just put on a smile and pretend it's fine and thanks to my photographic memory I could go home and masturbate relishing in the thought that I knew exactly what they would be wearing.

My Aphrodite was obviously a student at the university so I found her on Facebook and quickly realized that her profile was wide open, meaning I could see all of her statuses and photos- every update. It's not stalking because it's public information anyway and whatnot. So I had her receipt, I found her on Facebook, and it began quite innocently, like I was just masturbating to her swimsuit photos three or four times a day but then I realized that I TA in the building right next to where her major classes were. So I began to pay attention to her status updates, hoping to catch when she'd be in the building. Not for any nefarious purpose, I just wanted to see if I could maybe track her down like a wild sow or something and pretend like I was Nigel Thornberry.

Well, as I said before I am a man of diverse sexual tastes and after the first few times I saw her wandering across the causeways between our buildings and my subsequent masturbating in janitorial closets I decided to step it up a notch. By that point I already had memorized her class schedule, at least in the building next to mine, so I knew where she was at most given moments. THIS is where I thought to maybe do something likepretend like I'm in her classes and that we're compatible and whatnot, but then I realized I'm not the best-looking guy and she might remember me from the store and I should probably just stick to my normal technique of hiding in the women's restroom and masturbating to the sounds they made on the toiletsomething I've done since early teenagehood and something I've mastered.

So I posted up like a military sentinel on a bench in her ac building where I knew she had class. The first few classes were futilewould my darling ever piss? Was she a camel? Alas, it took a few tries but on the third or fourth day of waiting I caught her slip out of class towards the women's restroom. I buried my head in a book and let her pass. Then as soon as she went into the bathroom I hobbled over at full mast, glanced around like a perverted priest in an orphanage, and slipped furtively into the bathroom.

I perched on a toilet like a crow to hide my hairy ankles and crocs so no lady would see me in their domain. Almost immediately, the concerto of her bowel movement graced my ears. Toccata and Fugue in Shit Minoran artful evacuation of the rectum. Sensual yet gripping: It sounded like she was making fart noises with her mouth, but I could detect the verisimilitude. It was sublime. I conducted my typical stealthy masturbatory symphony, relishing in the stench reeking into my stall from hers. It was 8 or 9 minutes that felt like an eternity and I still can't hide in women's restrooms without wistfully remembering that great day.

And as quickly as it began it was over, and she flushed, and washed, and was gone. I try not to get hung up on women too badly so I told myself she'd be out of my life forever. Barely holding back tears, I took one nostalgic glance into her stall, just to solidify the memory forever, when I realized that upon the toilet seat was a spiky black pubic hair.

Naturally I snatched the pube like Smeagol and his precious, and to this day it occupies a special spot in my wallet, going around with me everywhere I go as a romantic reminder of what true love feels likethat love is everywhere, all around us, and inside all of us, and sometimes all that it takes to realize said love is an ungodly bowel movement and a lonely forgotten pubic hair."

#13 I had sex with a pillow

"I used to pretend a pillow was a person sleeping next to me sometimes. A lot of people have done it, but I took it to the next level. Instead of cuddling it, I was more considerate. The pillow was shy, so I gave it some personal space. Once it was asleep, I decided to hold its hand and gradually get closer to it. To say the least, it went sexual. No, I unfortunately do not have a body pillow. I had to make do with a normal one."

#14 I doxxed someone

"I doxxed someone. They mentioned that they were ‘impossible to dox' because they didn't have ‘enough information' on the Internet. With an hour, Google, and Facebook, I sent them a PM with their name, address, phone number, parents' names, address, phone numbers, and the school he was attending, all along with a message to ‘please be more careful on the Internet.' It was all just a matter of matching his Reddit name to a YouTube channel, then matching a first name with a profile picture on Facebook, then matching his last name with his friends' list. Of course, I would never dream of releasing any of that information to the public, and doxxing someone publicly is an amazingly shitty thing to do. But I sent that message, and damn if I wasn't right."

#15 I would sneak out at night to leave a rose on a girl’s doorstep

"In 8th grade I would sneak out at night, hike a mile, and leave a single rose on the doorstep of this girl I loved. I would always include a li'l note in red ink. Things like, ‘Hey beautiful have a great day.' One time my mom caught me and said that if I want to leave roses on a girl's doorstep she would drive me. That kind of took the fun out of it. When it came time to sign her yearbook, I used red ink. :)"

#16 I signed in to my ex’s email account to see if she’d read my email

"I dated a chick, and we broke up. I sent her an email at one point asking her if she wanted to get back together. I just felt weird calling her. She didn't respond for like days and days, and I was wondering to myself if she had read it and ignored it, or if she had just not seen it yet. I just so happened to remember her password from another time she had asked me to check it for her, so I logged in and looked to see if she had actually read it. She had. I just kicked rocks at that point and called it a day. But it occurred to me pretty soon after that what I had done was fairly creepy. This was before Google alerted you to sign-ins from strange computers, fortunately for me at the time. Never invaded anyone's privacy since then. Felt bad about it. You live and learn, I guess."

#17 I broke into my ex’s house and wrote him a letter

"My junior year of high school I went full-on psycho without even realizing it. I had moved a little further away from my boyfriend at the time and he didn't take the distance well. After a couple of months he broke up with me.

Started with me driving by his house just to see if he was home or who he was with. He wouldn't answer my calls or give me any closure, so it didn't seem creepy at the time. I just needed closure, damn it.

Unfortunately, then it escalated. When I drove by I would go knock on the door. One day no one answered the door and I just happened to see if it was unlocked. It was, and I entered the house.

Now in my defense, we were together for a long time and his house was basically my house the entire time we were together. It felt normal for me to go in and out of his house, but this time ( in retrospect) it was a little creepy of me with us not being together and him not being home.

I will never understand why I thought what I did next would be OK. I went into his room and started writing him a note. It wasn't too long but basically saying I miss him and wish he would contact me. I left the note on his dresser and left the house.

Turned out, he didn't see the note until the next morning. He woke up and saw it on his dresser. He thought I had come in during the night, watched him sleep, and put it there. Needless to say a couple of his friends let me know what he was saying and I was mortified.

I stopped trying to contact him. I'm sure he was relieved."

#18 I fucked a mannequin

"Masturbate to my little sister's Barbie dolls by placing them on lewd positions before discovering the wonders of Internet porn. Also, creating a life-sized mannequin made with pillow-filled clothing and towels in order to hold it as I slept so I wouldn't feel so goddamn lonely. And yes. Yes, I did fuck that mannequin."

#19 I wore his clothes while sniffing them and jacking off

"In high school I was obsessed with my ‘best friend.' I mean, most people get straight crushes in high school (which obviously never work out), but I was obsessed. I was pretty obvious thinking back on it, but my lowest moment was when I decided it would be neat to jack off while thinking about him one night. I realized that I actually had some of his clothing around my room (he would sleep over a lot and kept some of his stuff there) and so I decided that it would be better to take some of his clothes with me. Long story short I sat in the bathroom wearing his clothes (sweater and pajama bottoms) while I jacked off and sniffed at them. Eventually he got sick of me being so clingy and stopped talking to me and I decided to get his attention by cutting myself. Don't worry, the ‘cuts' were more like tiny scratches that I made using a craft knife, but at the time I had never done anything like that.

Obviously it didn't work (he never even saw them, it wasn't like I was going to shove my scratched-up wrists at him) and he eventually started talking to me again for whatever reason. After high school we just kind of drifted apart and I got over him. Thinking about it, it wasn't even romantic, barely even sexual. He wasn't even a good friend, he was kind of a dick and only kept me around because he was poor. I guess I just wanted him to like me. I haven't done anything nearly as creepy since then, which I'm glad for.

I also managed to get his password from when he used my computer one day and logged into his Facebook to read his messages to see if he ever talked about me. He did not"

#20 I put on my friend’s mom’s panties and jerked it

"One drunken night in high school, I was at my friend's house with his parents out of town. I was told to sleep in his parents' bed. I stumbled into her room and being a drunk, horny teenager with a panty fetish, I started rummaging around her drawers. I ended up stealing a pair of her panties, went to the bathroom, put them on and jerked it. I put them in my pocket and fell asleep, forgot about them and found them when I got home. Felt ashamed and threw them out. Super creepy But I was drunk, so. You knowOh, I forgot to mention, his mom is pretty damn hot."

#21 I called a guy forty times in a row

"Woo boy. Freshman year of college I had this HUGE crush on a guy. We had met (and weren't out of the closet yet), talked for hours until dawn, then finally had an incredibly hot make-out session in the grass outside his dorm. First time kissing a guy. It was amazing.

This happened a few times. Later that week, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out, but he didn't pick up (he was probably busy). I tried again half an hour or so later, still didn't pick up. Tried a third time, and at some point a fourth.

I realized that I'd called a fair number of times in a short period of time, and that was creepy. Soand this is where it gets badI decided to call him over and over as many times as possible to make it seem like a joke. Like, I was trying to see how many times I could ring him hahaha.

I think I called the poor guy like 40 times in rapid succession. I'm cringing just writing this. Needless to say, it didn't work out."

#22 I’m a peeping Tom

"I used to look in peoples' windows when I was a kid. I know how that sounds but bear with me.

I wouldn't go into their backyards or anything and it was usually just living room or kitchen windows, windows easily seen from the street. If it was dark I'd go right up to the windowI was a small kid so it was easy to hide. Sometimes I'd sort of watch people with binoculars from my little seat I'd made in the top of a tree in our yard.

I think it stemmed from my parents' divorce and my mum working 60-80+ hours a week, so I was alone or with my younger brother a lot. I was fascinated by other peoples' homes and families and getting to see them in their natural habitat, as it were, was interesting to me. I think, in hindsight, it was that I missed my family being all together and thought that people who had that were lucky.

It wasn't a sexual thing at all and it's not something I've continued to this day, barring watching someone else's TV from an opposing apartment when mine broke. I do like the idea of living in a high rise and getting to see snippets of peoples' liveskind of like watching commercials of peoples' lives. As I'm sure you can tell I spend a lot of time watching people out and about, lol. People are fascinating."