Redneck Mother Sends This Letter To Her Son. And It’s Absolutely Priceless

#1 Dear Redneck Son...

I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

#2 We don't live where we did when you left.

Yer Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home so we moved.

#4 Sure enough, the day we left there was an accident.

Nobody knows what happened but yer 10 year old sister hasn't spoke in 2 days, and she has glass in her hair.

#3 The trip from West Virginia was a long drive.

I won't be able to send you our new address because the last North Carolina family that lived here took the numbers off the mailbox when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

#5 This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.

I'm not sure it works that good though. Last week I put a load of laundry in there and pushed the lever and I haven't seen the clothes since. We're back to washing them in the outhouse.

#6 But the weather ain't bad here anyway..

Last week it only rained twice. Once for 3 days and the second time for 4 days.

#7 About that coat you wanted me to send to you..

Yer uncle Billy Bob said it was too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on it so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Hope it arrived okay.

#8 Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.

We were really nervous because it took them 4 hours to get me and your daddy out.

#9 Uncle Jeb fell into a whiskey vat last week.

Some guys tried to pull him out but he fought them off! He drowned doing what he love. We cremated the body and it burned for 5 days.

#10 Yer sister had a baby finally.

I don't know what it is yet so I can't tell you if yer an Aunt of an Uncle. I will keep ya posted.

#11 Three of yer friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.

Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Yer other two friends were in the back end. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

#12 Cousin Larry is working on his memory loss.

Ever since that freak beer bong accident he spends a lot of time down by the river trying to regain his thoughts.

#13 There was a little big news as well..

BoBo and LuAnn bet on that lottery thing and won $250,000. They bought themselves a new house with big tires, and finally got that mole removed from LuAnn's face.

#14 On the last thousand dollars they threw a huge party.

They decided that with the last of their winnings they would invite all the kin and friends over for a BBQ. Everyone enjoyed the hot tub they got until someone left a log in it. Nobody says who did it, but yer Daddy hadn't gone to the toilet in 5 days before the party.

#15 I forgot to mention about your girlfriend Rosie.

She married Homer on Saturday. She said she wasn't getting any younger or prettier and since you been gone for almost 3 weeks she needed to move on before her prime time came to an end.

#16 Well, nothing out of the ordinary has happened as usual. I will write you again next week.

Love always, your favorite Aunt,

MOM.