The Oscars Gift Bag Is Worth $230k And Will Make You Sick

#1 The Rich Get Richer

The Oscars might not be racist anymore, but they're sure as hell still stupidly extravagant. With the main event coming later this month, LA-based Distinctive Assets have gone ahead and revealed the contents of the goody bag that people will get for attending, and this year it's worth a mind blowing $250,000. For perspective, last year's bag was worth $160,000.

#2 Just What's In The Goody Bags

While only a handful of stars will receive Oscars this year, each nominee in the best acting, supporting, and director categories will go home with one of these luxury bags. Reserved for only the best, these freebies are "once again a blend of fabulous, fun and functional items meant to thrill and pamper those who may have everything money can buy but still savor the simple joy of a gift," according to Distinctive Assets.

Take a peek at what Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, and Jennifer Lawrence will be getting...

#3 $275 Worth Of Toilet Paper

The Swiss-made toilet tissue from Joseph's Toiletries includes 6 packs of 12 tissues of the cotton paper, 3 gentle soft towelettes, and a gift box to store it in. Seriously. The best toilet paper money can buy. Which is ironic, because money can also be used as toilet paper. It's called The Welcomer Pack.

#4 Unlimited Audi Car Use

A year's worth of unlimited Audi car rentals from Silvercar, valued at over $45,000. Useless, as they all have expensive cars already.

#5 A Donation To A Pet Shelter From Ellen's Halo Pet Food

A donation of 10,000 pet meals to animals in need, or housing to a shelter of your choice. As part of the "feed it forward" program, donations will be made from Halo, Purely For Pets, to hungry shelter animals in each celeb's name. The value of this donation is $6,500. Good for the pets at least.

#6 A Trip To Japan

A 15-day walking tour of Japan, yes "walking tour," and it's valued at $54,000. That's Dollars, not Yen. But then, what celeb is going to 'walk' around Tokyo for 15 days, really?

#7 Israel Vacation

A 10-day, first-class trip to Israel valued at $50,000. Nice gift!

#8 Personalized M&Ms.

The candy that melts in your mouth but not in your hands will be made to order with the celebs own initials. The value of these treats... $750.00 Wonder if Michael Moore will get this?

#9 Breast Lifts

A "Vampire Breast Lift", which uses blood to enhance the appearance of a woman's breasts. The package includes a 4 year "touch up visit" plan. The cost of this item is $17,000. See the next page for how creepy this is. The same procedure is done for the face lift.

#10 Vampire Face Lift Procedure

A "Vampire Face Lift" is by the same company as the breast lift, and has been promoted by celebs like Kim Kardashian already. This is a one time procedure and the value is $1,900. A coupon will be included for follow up care at half the value for 1 year (which would be 3 visits). They remove blood from the patient, and isolate "growth factors" from the platelets. These are then "reinjected" into the breasts, and supposedly cause "tissue growth."

#11 Weight Loss Gummies

Yes, a bottle of Hydroxycut weight-loss Gummies. Total value, $19.88. Seems like a waste of gummies since they all opt for eating one walnut and getting elective surgery to remove excess weight.

#12 Vaping Kit

A Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer valued at $249.99 (At least Leonardo DiCaprio will be happy).

#13 Five Days And Four Nights At The Golden Door Spa

Four nights relaxing in nearby California at the Golden Door Spa. The value of this goody is $4,900.

#14 Home Spa Collection

A mixed bag of home health care treatments ranging from Dandi Sweat Pads to A Steam Room package. This is an unbelievable value of $27,000. WOW!!

#15 A Professional Vibrator

The Fiera "arouser for her" will set you back $250, but judging by some of the reviews on the website, it's probably worth it. Hope Meryl Streep gets one!

#16 7 Days In Sorrento

A weeks stay at the resort hotel Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria, Sorrento, valued at $12,000.

#17 2 Nights At Lake Cumo

Two nights at the luxurious resort, Grand Hotel Tremezzo, Lake Como. A value of around $5,000.

#18 An iPhone Protective Cover

Yes, even the famous people drop their phones. This Phantom Glass screen protector is part of the goody bag. The value is $59.99.

#19 Lizora Skin Products

A lifetime supply of skin creams from Lizora, a mere value of around $31,200. Pretty classy stuff!

#20 Is That All? NO!

The participants, who deserve all of this and more, will also get the following items in their gift bags:

Personal fitness sessions with celebrity trainer Alexi Seletzky: $900

A Fit Club TV "Ultimate Fitness Package" in a private villa: $6,250

Sundial Power Coating: $500

Belldini clothing: $300+

Ultherapy, a laser skin-tightening procedure: $5,530

Tribute: $125

Delovery personalized gift baskets: $2,000

Products from the Healing Saint by Dr Jane 360 range: $193

Lat & Lo jewelry: $150

Caolion skin care: $134

Slimware: $29.95

Zekkle Edge: $125

Sedona Lace makeup brushes: $109.95

Memobottle plastic water bottles: $47

Greenhill Winery & Vineyards Tour: $39

Farm Wife Style handmade jewelry: $25

Purely Inspired Organic Protein: $19.97

Gleener on the Go portable lint brush: $11.99

Signature Vodka: $70

And a ChapStick... $1.79

Feeling poor yet? There are still 2 dozen more items they haven't listed yet, that will be a surprise for Oscar night.