Things IKEA Does That Could Make Anyone Lose Their Mind

#1 You're told, "It's cheaper, because you pick it out of a warehouse, take it home and build it yourself," which sounds harmless if you've haven't experienced this hell before now.

Then you walk inside the big blue and yellow building and everything changes. you're inundated with what seems to be everything that has ever existed on the Earth. "We need a bed and a couch and maybe a kitchen table. That should be easy."

Au contraire! Okay, that was a French saying about a Swedish furniture store, but the sentiment is there: what you've been told is completely untrue. The most unfortunate part of that reality is you have to live it out before you can realize it (or read this).

#2 You're told where to go by following a set of arrows on the floor, all the while there's countless mock-rooms furnished, and it messes with your mind.

"Oh, that would look nice. Let me write that aisle and bin number down. Oh wait, I like this one better. Let me go back and look at that other one to compare. Hold onthe arrows point this way. Am I going the right way? Hello? Can Somebody help me? Who works here? AM I ALONE IN THIS SEA OF MADNESS?!"

#3 Then you see something like this which makes you question the sanity, not only of the IKEA shoppers around you, but of society as a whole.

"Who doesn't know not to poop in a display toilet in the middle of a giant retailer? Seriously: WHO?! Who at one point either pooped or peed in the middle of an IKEA store, into a display toilet and set the precedent that this signage needs to be on display?! I think I'm going crazycrazy enough to poop right here in this toilet! They say, 'Please use the toilets in the restaurant,' instead of 'DO NOT USE THIS TOILET!' That leaves the option to use this toilet wide open, and I'm crazy aren't I?"

#4 Then you come across this monolithic behemoth of a warehouse and are expected to move things without the assistance of IKEA employees or even forklifts and what-have-you.

Just head on over to your aisle and bin number. Once there, you must trust that what you are looking at is in fact the thing you want, since you can't actually read anything (unless you read Swedish), and the pictures are just outlines on a cardboard box with no coloring.

"Does anybody work here? HELLO?! Where is everybody?!"

Don't throw your back out lifting stuff, because you're not an employee and not qualified for health benefits from IKEA. You do however, have the benefit of cheap furniture.

#5 Oh yeah–then, when you get everything loaded onto your cart, if you can manage to actually push the one-ton cart, you've got to try and navigate it by using two handles that don't actually steer the thing at all.

Boy howdy, now doesn't that look way more convenient than just going to a furniture store where it's already built for you and they ship it to you?

*fart noise*

Thought so!

#6 Remember that restaurant that people are supposed to be pooping in (come to think of it, that was a horrible sign for that reason)? Yes, it exists! Why? "IDFK why, but I'm losing it over here!"

"They sell a rack of ribs inside a Swedish furniture outlet, and nobody has batted an eye over this fact? WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I just want to buy this furniture and GTFO of here. Why is this place setup like a maze, tempting me with multiple choices around every corner, leading me into a warehouse dungeon on the ground floor also selling ice cream?"

Because, in the middle of it all, everybody absolutely goes bonkers and needs a snackapparently.

#7 At least you made it out of there, and now you just need to buy this somewhat-cheaper furniture together and enjoy your–WTF are all these tools?!

The psychological mind-f*ck that IKEA is pulling on you has only just begun. You may have just barely gotten out of the store alive and with your sanity in tact, but now you have to navigate your way through a smorgasbord of tools specific to their design and nails and screws and whatever those wooden things they are to try and figure out how to get this contraption together. At least they provide you with directions, right?

#8 WOOPS! Hope you can read Swedish language and ambiguous as hell infographics, because these directions are utterly useless to those of us without engineering degrees

Seriously, just look at that up there. The steps are as follows:

1) Screw in these screws

"Okay, seems easy enough."

2) Turn the screwdriver in both directions, thus not actually screwing anything in."

"Wait, huh?"

3) Actually, wait, hold on: ignore those photos and give this way a try."

"Alrigh"

4) Oops, sorry: never-mind, unscrew that, look both ways, then screw the first screw back in. Thereall done.

"I've completely lost my ever-loving mind! What is this crap?!"