Things you'll hear every man say (NOT)

-- Let's watch Lifetime.

-- Sex is overrated.

-- I don't want to go too far on the first date.

-- Yes, your sister does have bigger bre*sts than you.

-- Don't we owe your mother a visit?

-- I'm relieved I don't have a large p*nis weighing me down.

-- Dessert goes right to my hips.

-- I hate when I miss Oprah.

-- Does this suit make me look fat?

-- I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.