Warning Signs Designed Specifically For Stupid People

By Editorial Staff in Funny On 1st January 2017

Common sense is not as common as you might think. Why would we need a warning label on a blowdryer telling us not to use it in the bathtub, or why do we need to be told that coffee is hot? Because some people are stupid. Warning labels exist for specific reasons, and sadly it is because someone has actually done something stupid resulting in harm or death. We all know things like "keep out of reach of children" but who the heck tried to swallow a coat hanger to make the dry cleaner feel a need to put that sticker on them?

#1 Ass Hat

For those who are new to the world and never wore a fancy hat before, or even seen a picture of someone in a hat, these instructions are for you. They seem to be limiting the places it is acceptable to wear your fancy new hat. Who says you can't use it as a shoe or on you ass if you wish? It's yours, do with it as you wish. Break out your buckets, deerstalkers, truckers, cowboys, fedoras, beanies, Panama's, coonskins, and bowlers and put them on your ass with pride. We all may think you're crazy but never as much as the first guy who did it so often that the hat company had to issue a warning.

#2 Surprise! Peanuts Contain Nuts

Allergies to anything just suck. People with severe allergies already know what they can and cannot consume, since they are still alive to tell about it. Peanut allergies are pretty common and people who can't eat them avoid them and any products made with them. So, why any grocery store would have to place a sign on peanuts warning shoppers that peanuts contain peanuts must mean that a dumb person somewhere bought them and complained they didn't know their nuts had nuts. You can't make this stuff up.

#3 Cardboard Dinner

Everyone loves pizza. And yes, I've been so hungry that I can barely control my hunger before that pizza guy delivers my steamy, cheesy, delicious pizza. And I guess I am not alone on this one since someone has apparently been hungry enough to avoid wasting time opening the box and just ate the entire cardboard box and all. The fact that this warning is even necessary speaks volumes to the decline of human civilization. But in all fairness, I have had pizza before that tasted like the box, and you know who you are Little Caesars.

#4 Pigeon Fingers

Yikes! More and more outdoor eating facilities are trying to warn guests about feeding begging birds who approach them. Sometimes animals will be so bold as to fly or walk up to your plate and steal your food as if you purchased it for them. Wherever this sign was required to be posted, the dirty birds are pretty aggressive and it seems like one or two patrons have actually lost appendages. Hey, sometimes it's easy to mistake a finger for a french fry when you're a starving, hostile bird.

#5 Underwear Instructions

There's a saying that goes, "We all put our pants on, one leg at a time." But apparently, there are some people out there roaming the streets who don't know how to put their underwear on properly. I guess now you're not supposed to put them on over your head with your arms sticking out through the holes. The real question is: how many people had to do this before a committee deemed it necessary to add an instruction tag to the package?

#6 Don’t Insert It Where?

This is an actual warning guys. Men seem more fascinated with their private parts than anyone else, but why any of them would think that sticking a small screwdriver in the tip of their penis is a good thing is anyone's guess. We can only hope this was done as a joke or maybe at a drunken frat party. However, something tells us that this warning was the result of some burly man sitting in his garage working on a project so difficult that he just got bored and decided to see exactly where this screwdriver could fit. And now you know not to try this at home. Sicko!

#7 Burning Shirt

File this warning under the 'No Shit Sherlock' category. We've all been rushed and in a hurry only to find that our shirts are a wrinkled mess. So we plug in the flat iron and try to get at least a few of the wrinkles out, but not many of us would keep the clothes on while doing the ironing. I wonder how many morons had to go the ER after trying this one before the company decided it was time to put it on a warning label? I bet the same people need a label to tell them water is wet.

#8 For The Curled Up Look

Why anyone would want to put a hair straightening iron anywhere near their eyelashes is beyond us, but there was an idiot somewhere on the planet who decided to try and it appears they are from Canada. The very thought of steaming heat next to your eyes makes you wonder who in their right mind would think it was a good idea to heat press their eyelashes. Do people who try this live in an area of the world that have hair straighteners but not lengthening mascara? There are easier ways of obtaining full, luscious lashes that don't include burning away your eyeballs.

#9 Rogue Seagulls

Seagulls are the worst of the worst and they'll eat anything. How much fun is it going to a picnic or carnival and having swarms of the ugly birds circling around just waiting for you to drop a french fry? It isn't abnormal to see signs in parks or outside of restaurants that read "Don't feed the birds!" because of some unfortunate accident that they'd like to forget. But who knew that there is a gand of seagulls out there who just love funnel cakes? This seaside joint is making sure you don't get a refund on your recent sugary pastry if you allow a seagull to fly in and grab it from you.

#10 Above Water Only

I've seen signs ar public pools or beaches that say no running, no jumping, no diving, and no floaties, but this one is really odd. It's hard to believe that some people would try their best to imitate the lives of fish only to realize that the end result is drowning. Still, there is a pool somewhere, and we're hoping it's only one, that must put up this sign because there are dumb individuals who think that humans were made to be amphibious, only learning the hard way that the lifeguard on duty really doesn't know CPR that well.

#11 Stay Out Of The Washer

It seems like a natural request to me. I mean we have showers and tubs for washing people. Our washing machines are made to clean our clothes. But yet we have a warning sign telling us not to do our bodies inside the machines. Unfortunately, that scenario is something that a select few of the less intelligent crowd has tried because manufacturers have felt the need to tell people not to place themselves, or others, inside of their machines. Thanks for the heads up on this one. I was about to squeeze into my Kenmore washer and get the full spiff job.

#12 You Can Die

It used to be that once you were dead all your past dues and crimes were gone too. But apparently, not any longer. If you thought a dead man couldn't get it one more time, you're wrong. That's why this Tramway company had to put up this warning sign. You touch those wires and you'll die, and worse, they will want you to pay them $200 for your misbehavior. How they are going to collect on that one is tricky, but we'd love to get a front row seat to see how that will be enforced.

#13 Swallowing Hangers

Unless you happen to be a sword swallower for a Freak Show Circus, there is absolutely no reason why a wire hanger should be anywhere near your mouth. What happened at Morellis Cleaners that made them so shocked that they ordered an entirely new shipment of hangers with sleeves that warned customers not to swallow the hangers? I'm not even sure it's possible but the little picture shows how some idiot did it. For those of you who are expanding your swallowing abilities, you have been warned. And when in doubt, just remember: No wire hangers!!!