Oh, sorry, you didn’t realize we were speaking different languages?
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#1 What you mean: “Sorry for the copious amounts of drool all over you.”
#2 What you say: “Sorry, I can’t go out tonight. It’s been a long day for the family. Raincheck?”
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#3 What you mean: “I’m so tired I’m actually surprised I can form a complete sentence.”
#4 What you say: “He’s teething.”
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#5 What you mean: “She’s freaking out and I have absolutely no idea why.”
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#6 What you say: “I’m good.”
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#7 What you mean: “I’m baby-free tonight and just want to sit on my couch and watch Netflix without being interrupted.”
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#8 What you say: “She just needs a nap.”
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#9 What you say: “Hey, buddy, let’s not do that, okay?”
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#10 What you mean: “Stop! STOP! For the love of God, we’re in public, please stop what you’re doing, kid!”
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#11 What you say: “No, no, no I’m totally listening!”
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#12 What you mean: “Wait, what?”
#13 What you say: “Oh, it’s not you.”
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#14 What you mean: “It’s definitely you and something you are doing that is making my child cry.”
#15 What you say: “I’m just gonna step into the restroom for a minute.”
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#16 What you say: “He’s just being shy.”
#17 What you mean: “I probably wouldn’t want to talk to you either.”
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#18 What you say: “Uh oh! I think somebody went stinkers…”
#19 What you mean:”What kind of unholy stench is emanating from your child? Because it’s definitely not from mine.”
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#20 What you say: “Looks like someone’s hungry!”
