This dad is here to ask the moral court of the Internet if he was in the wrong for taking away all his daughter's college savings after she destroyed her aunt's wedding dress and the Internet does not hesitate to share its opinion.
Go through the story and share your opinion with us.
It is no surprise that wedding dresses carry a great sentimental value for any couple. There are many superstitions related to it too, such as the one where it is believed to not show the dress to the partner a day before the wedding. Also, it is believed to be bad luck if you let someone else try your dress. But all things apart, wedding dresses are also very expensive. They usually cause a huge drain on the pocket but since it is mostly once in the lifetime event, people save up their whole lives to afford an expensive high-end brand.
While we are on the discussion of wedding dresses, one interesting story on Reddit recently caught our eye. The story is related to a young dad who is consulting the moral court of the Internet to seek opinions over whether he was brutal over cutting his daughter's savings after she ruined a wedding dress?
Here out the story and let us know your opinion in the comments section.
"Ex(31) and I(m32) had C, (F16) way too young. We're friendly co-parents. One big rule we share is if our daughter breaks something, she pays for it.
Now, sis (27) and I are the only grandkids. Aunt never married. Instead, she worked with Gma and Gpa at their store, and took it over when they retired.
Sis's girlfriend (29) proposed last year. Gpa offered to make FSIL a custom suit, which she was over the moon about. Gma had me ask Sis what her dream dress was and record the convo. Sis, thinking it was just between us, told me in great detail what her dream dress was, though said it was way too expensive, so she would get something much cheaper.
Well, a few months later Gma surprised Sis with her dream wedding dress. It fit perfectly and everyone cried."
"Sadly, Gma recently passed away, which hit us all hard. Sis was devastated, but decided that the dress meant Gma would still be there with us at the wedding.
The issue comes in with C. She's very large, much larger then Sis. Three days ago, we decided to go visit Sis and see how she was doing. It was great, but then C asked if she could try on the dress. Sis politely said no. C made a face, but dropped it.
Later, we decided to go grab dinner. Sis and I went to pick up our orders, but C decided to stay and play with Sis's dog.
We got back, and the dress was destroyed. C had apparently tried to get it on, popping some seams, and got stuck. Instead of waiting for help, she cut her way out. The dress was hacked to bits.
Sis was devastated and asked us to leave. I grounded C, and called Aunt with some pictures, asking if it could be saved. She said no. She said she'd make a new one, but it wasn't the same. Then she dropped the bomb on me - Gma had hand sewed most of the dress, used super expensive fabric, and put almost 500 hours in making that dress, since it was the only family wedding we'd have. In total, the dress cost 12,000 dollars, give or take."
"C has about 15,000 saved from various jobs, as well as winning writing competitions. This was supposed to help her in college.
I took her to the bank and set in motion transferring all the funds, since as her parent I still have control over it. $12k to Aunt to pay for the new dress. $3k to my sister's wedding, as an emotional distress tax.
I explained exactly why this was happening to C, but she sobbed the entire time, asking what was she supposed to do for college and saying it wasn't her fault. I told her she could get a job if she didn't get a scholarship, and it was her fault for trying on the dress after she'd been told no, and for not waiting until we got back. A few popped seams could have been fixed. Hacking the dress to pieces couldn't.
C told my ex, and while she agreed C was in the wrong after the full story, said I shouldn't have "ruined her future" for a "free" dress. I reminded her of our rule, and she still thinks I'm wrong.
So, am I the as*hole here?"
Edit 1: "since people are mentioning they don't understand the 3k, that was to make up to my sister that C destroyed the last gift our dead grandma ever gave her. I consider that part of the price of destroying the dress, since even if Aunt remakes it, its lost a great deal of its sentimental value."
I pointed out how young we had her because I wanted to explain how a 31 year old has a 16 year old kid. I do not resent having her, she's the best thing I've ever done. I also brought up C's size because Sis has Crohn's disease, and thus is very tiny. The dress was made her for size, and C is much larger then Sis. I love C as she is, but just holding the dress up, it was clear it wouldn't fit."
Edit: "Edit 2 - to clarify, the money was C's "have fun at college" money, not her college fund. My ex and I are paying for whatever scholarships don't. When she was asking what she would do for college, she was asking what'd she do for fun and to buy things we didn't pay for. Again, the character count is very limiting, so i had to cut details to post."
People commented, "She “ruined” her own future. In my mind, that dress wasn’t twelve, or even fifteen thousand dollars, it was priceless. It could have and should have been passed down for generations. I’m horrified your daughter did such a thing. Most kids don’t go to college with savings, so she’s just going to have to tough it out. I hope she looks back one day and realizes the payment she made was severely short. I am so sorry this has happened to your family." - f*ckingbailey.
"The family already had an established 'you break it, you pay for it' rule.
The £15,000 is not college tuition money, it's additional 'fun money'
C was already told no to trying on the dress.
OP is definitely NTA (Not the As*hole)" - sweetpotato37
"At sixteen you’re old enough to know that there’s consequences for doing things you’ve been told not to do. I applaud you for making C pay for the dress and emotional stress. "- Whiskeyandacamera
"You're a good parent, and the punishment is perfectly fitting.
Your daughter's statement that "She did nothing wrong" shows she still doesn't understand the gravity of what she did. Have you thought about making her help Aunt create the new dress? She needs to understand the labor that goes into creating that which she destroyed." - tendiesinvesties08
"I'm so confused by why your daughter's first response to getting stuck in the dress was to hack it up with scissors. That's a crazy response. Are we sure she didn't ruin the dress on purpose?
You think having a great grandmother that's such a talented seamstress she would know cutting the dress would ruin it? "- Golddustgirlboss
"12K in raw materials and JUST 3k for the fact that is was hand-sewn by grandma who is no longer alive? Jesus christ this is so sad. Even if you were just to value the labor grandma must've spent it'd be more than 3k. This sh*t broke my heart." - StixTheNerd
"It's usually really obvious when clothes are not going to fit you, when you try them on. Putting it on, getting stuck, and then cutting it up... yeah, no. To me, it doesn't make sense to go that far, with a dress that doesn't fit. Unless there is another issue at hand. She ruined it. She knew she ruined it. Even if it was initially a gift, and was given for free, remaking it won't be. It's a good lesson to learn. You break it, you pay for it. "- lady_chantao
"Frankly, the fact that she thinks that ruining a dress that your grandmother made for your sister because she couldn't try it on is disgusting, child like behavior. While she may not have been aware of the sentimental value, she should have left it alone and went about her business. She didn't. She ruined the dress and now, the one object that was supposed to give your sister a piece of her grandma was ruined. If your sister uninvites her from the wedding I wouldn't be surprised.
This dress meant everything to your sister and your daughter ruined it.
Her punishment is just." - SworninbySailor
