Danny DeVito Explains The Choice That Kept Rhea Perlman Close After Their Split

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman may no longer live as a couple, but their separation did not bring an end to their friendship. Nine years after deciding to live apart, they remain close and continue to share much of their family life.

The pair separated for a second time in 2017 and have no plans to divorce. They speak often, get together for meals, and spend time with the children and grandchildren who remain at the center of their lives.

"We're always over at her house," the 81-year-old actor told AARP. "We see the grandchildren together, that kind of stuff. So that's a good relationship."

For DeVito, the strength of that bond comes from having people he can trust even when life changes. "No matter what happens in your life, the most important thing is having family and friends, reliable people in our lives who we can talk to, who we can open up to, who we can rely on to be there. I'm very fortunate."

The couple also built a long creative partnership. They appeared together in the sitcom Taxi before playing the neglectful Mr. and Mrs. Wormwood in the 1996 movie Matilda, which DeVito also directed.

Their work gave them a shared history beyond their marriage. Even after the romantic part of the relationship ended, they still had decades of memories, three children, and a family structure that neither wanted to lose.

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are still technically married Paul Archuleta/Getty Images

Their connection began long before they became Hollywood stars

DeVito and Perlman first met in the early 1970s after she watched him perform in an off-Broadway production. They went out afterward with a mutual friend and soon discovered that they shared the same interest in theater and movies.

An AARP profile of DeVito says the pair spent their early relationship watching films and making short movies together. Their connection developed through both romance and creative work before either of them had reached the level of fame they later enjoyed.

That mix of work and family continued into the next generation. Their daughter Lucy became an actor, their son Jacob works as a producer, and their daughter Grace built a career as an artist. DeVito has spoken with pride about all three of them, making it clear that the family they created remains one of his greatest achievements.

They separated twice during their long marriage

DeVito and Perlman dated for around a decade before getting married in January 1982. The Batman Returns actor and the four-time Emmy winner later welcomed three children together: Lucy, Grace, and Jacob.

Their marriage first changed in October 2012, when they announced a separation after about 30 years. They reconciled the following year and resumed their relationship.

That reunion lasted several more years. In March 2017, they separated again, and this time the decision became permanent. However, neither of them treated the split as a reason to remove the other person from the family.

"Danny and I have always loved each other and we have three amazing children together and we really agree on almost everything important and so, you know, we were together for 40 years," Perlman, 78, previously said during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.

Her explanation focused on what had survived rather than what had ended. They still loved each other, agreed on the issues that mattered most, and shared responsibility for the family they had spent decades building.

That common ground helped them find a different kind of relationship after the separation. They no longer needed to make the marriage work in the traditional sense, but they could still support each other as parents, grandparents, and longtime friends.

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman starred alongside one another in the 1996 classic Matilda TriStar Pictures

Living separately removed much of the tension

"Forty years is a long time!" Perlman added. "You might have to do something else! It's OK!"

The actor, best known for playing head waitress Carla Tortelli on Cheers, said their relationship became 'much better [now] because all the tense stuff is gone'. Separate homes gave them enough space to avoid the pressures that had made living together difficult.

Perlman explained how the arrangement works for the rest of the family: "It's not in your face. I'm not in his face. He's not in mine … there was a hard transition through the kids and everything, but everybody's got a good relationship with Danny and with me and with each other, and that's all we care about."

The pair share three children, Lucy, Grace and Jacob Michael Tran/FilmMagic

Separation did not mean cutting off family life

DeVito and Perlman's arrangement is not based on pretending that nothing changed. They accept that they are no longer a romantic couple and maintain separate homes, while still choosing to remain involved in each other's daily lives.

The transition was difficult for their children, as Perlman acknowledged, but the family eventually reached a more settled place. Their adult children can spend time with both parents, and DeVito and Perlman can attend family events without turning the separation into a continuing conflict.

Their grandchildren have also given them another reason to stay connected. DeVito says they see the children together and visit Perlman's home often, allowing their shared family role to continue without requiring them to return to the marriage they once had.

When asked whether divorce might eventually become part of the arrangement, Perlman dismissed the idea. She said: "That's not in the picture… what for? We do live separately. We see each other a lot, too."

DeVito is also keeping busy on screen. He will reprise his role as Grandpa Eddie in Jumanji: Open World, following his appearance in 2019's Jumanji: The Next Level. The movie's official trailer confirms that it will arrive in theaters on December 25, 2026.

Age has only made the role feel more suitable to him. "The older I get, the better I get for that part, so just bring it on," DeVito told AARP. "Give me that cane."

DeVito says staying active plays a larger role in how young he feels than diet alone. He drinks green juices, limits alcohol, exercises each day, works in his yard, and continues spending time with close friends and family.

Work remains another major source of energy. Even after a career spanning more than five decades, he still spends his days developing projects, editing material, attending meetings, and preparing for new performances.

As DeVito put it: "I love work! Yesterday I spent all day editing. Today I've got writer meetings."