If you don't know, Twitter is full of funny people who take time out of their day to make us happy by posting funny and clever statuses all day long. Sure, there are some people we would rather not follow, just like any other social media site, but for the most part, Twitter can be super fun. Here are some statuses that are guaranteed to make your day.
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Salad
This lady really knows how to enjoy life. Who wants a salad when there is plenty of perfectly good pizza out there to eat? I know I would take the pizza any day. How about you?
Why?
This really is an age-old question. The pineapple is an enigma. It is neither pine nor apple, so why is it called a pineapple?
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First Date
There is nothing worse than having to fart on a first date. It is especially hard if it is a long date, and you have to hold it in for hours. You have no idea what kind of fart to expect when you do finally decide to unleash it.
Online Shopping
For those who do not get it, when you shop online, the store automatically adds you to their email list. Then, you get at least one email a day from that store. It is incredibly annoying.
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Activia
Activia is great for those of you who are worried about your guy health. However, people will associate you with having issues pooping if you are someone who eats it daily. They have no idea that it is more for keeping you regular than just helping you poop because you can't do it on your own.
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Why?
Some couples are seriously annoying with their PDAs, but this takes it to an entirely new level. We get it. You're in love. Do you really need to hold hands while jogging? We hope you trip and fall.
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Damn Siri
You have to be careful with Siri. She can be seriously sassy at her best, but apparently, she can also be quite intrusive. How do you even tell this guy that Siri was the one to send the text? How embarrassing.
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Ghost Stories
Getting pulled over by the police at night is seriously annoying. They either shine their spotlight right in your face, blinding you, or they walk up and shine their flashlight in your face. It only seems fair to inconvenience them with a spooky tale before they can even tell you why you were pulled over. It might even get you out of that ticket.
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It Wasn't Me
Does anyone else hear Shaggy singing in the background when they read this? This post is too true and only one of the small wars you will have with your spouse once you are married. Can any of you relate?
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How?
This is totally baffling. We also wonder how some people can just hop in and go. There are preparations to be made. We must text everyone to not text us so we can drive safely. Most of us have to fix our hair and makeup in the mirror and find the perfect driving music before we even put our seatbelts on.
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Pick A Tie
The mental picture from this post is hilarious. You have to be very careful when you give men any advice. They tend to take things literally, so be sure you are very clear or something like this can happen.
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Choices
Some decisions that you make in life need to be carefully considered. Take this post for example, does she give up her purse or get out of paying back her student loans by dying? Decisions...decisions.
Bill Murray
He is perhaps one of the funniest people on all of Twitter. He really channels my inner fat girl with posts like these. Is anyone else craving a bacon grilled cheese sandwich right now?
