Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves!
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me." The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"
You know you're getting fat when you say you're fat in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.