Kylie Jenner: “For My 19th Birthday I Want The Childlike Innocence I Was Denied”

#1

Hello internet, it's me, Kylie Jenner. I'd like to put my phone down for a second to talk to you all. Today is my 19th birthday but honestly it feels like my 49th. I feel like one of those people in nerd movies where it's like they go to another planet and time moves faster there so they're like, suddenly old? Whatever. So what I would really love, more than anything, for my birthday, is just a taste of the innocent childhood I never had.

#2

I am basically a Kardashian (even though technically I am not and Blac Chyna will eventually have more of a claim to that name than I do) so this shouldn't be hard to do. I fly on private planes, vacation on private islands someone on my staff should be able to make me feel like I'm 9 again but I'm not on TV and none of my sisters have sex tapes and my mom has never met Ryan Seacrest and I never learned how to find my light. Someone HAS to be able to do thatright?

#3

Look at my adorable freckles and crooked smile!

One time I stayed home all day and watched The Jacksons: An American Dream and just cried and cried.

#4

I want to have a slumber party where we eat lollipops but not to show how much we know about giving blow jobs justto eat them? I want to do that thing where you hug someone really tight. I want to LAUGH. I mean really laugh. How do people do that?

Whatever. I'm going to the Bahamas.