Tattoo Artists Share Stories Of Their All-Time Worst Customers

Relaxation Methods

The story was told to me by my artist while I was getting tattooed.

Guy and girl come into his shop and ask to get a tattoo on [her] back. A couple of minutes into it the lady starts squirming. The artist asks her to sit still. A couple more minutes later she starts squirming again.

He says, "If you don't sit still I can't finish the tattoo."  She says, "It hurts, but there's something that might help." Artist says, "Do whatever you need. Just sit still." So, she manages to stop squirming, and it's a while before the artist notices her head is bobbing. He looks up from the tattoo and [she] has her boyfriend's d*ck in her mouth. He finishes up the tattoo, they pay and leave.

A week later the artist is at a pool hall, and he recognizes the guy. They make small talk, and he asks, "How's your girlfriend's tattoo healing?" The guy says, "Girlfriend? That was the first day I met [her]. I haven't talked to her since."

Classic Dragon D*ck

Not me, but my boss. He had a guy come in who wants his whole d*ck and balls transformed into a dragon. Boss agrees to do it for a ridiculous price, like a thousand dollars for what would take three hours or so. Ends up tattooing him in the private room at our shop, but of course, everyone in the shop is DYING to know how he accomplished it. When you're tattooing, one hand is running the machine with the needle and the other is stretching the skin-tight, but like... how do you stretch dick skin? Did he have the guy get a boner or what?

Turns out he had the guy stretch it out himself. Like he spent three hours yanking his d*ck first one way, then the other, so my boss could tattoo the whole damn thing, then bat-winging out his nuts. His original thought was for the guy to have a hard-on, but he couldn't keep it going while it was getting jabbed with a needle (obviously).

Now our shop refuses genital tattoos and that's why.

Just A Penis Touch Up

I had a client contact me through my Facebook page and he booked online. He wanted a goddess of fire with the face of Alanis Morissette. When he came in for his appointment, he was generally creepy. He was in his 60s and asking me about getting together with my 25-year-old co-worker. He wanted the tattoo on the side of his thigh. He then expressed that it wasn't just going on his thigh, but also on the side of the ass/hip region.

During the session, there was a mild bumhole smell the whole time. He asked me how much I would charge to touch up the tattoo on his penis. I told him $1500.

Screaming Smileys

I gave 2 football players from my school matching smiley face tattoos. One of them was screaming and I felt bad so I took it easy on him and so now it's faded and looks terrible. The other one came out perfect.

Where's Waldo?

My husband has a tattoo of Waldo on his taint. I think it was done in Seattle. I'm sure the tattoo artist did not enjoy his night.

Second Time's The Charm

I remember my friend's sister wanted a tattoo of a scorpion on her pelvic region being that she was a Scorpio. She was immensely afraid of the pain of getting a tattoo so she went got super drunk before doing so and had her two brothers and I go up with her and a friend. The artist knew this and refused to do the tat because of her condition for several reasons including...

Legal. She could've sobered up and said she didn't ask for it or was not in her right state of mind.

Health. Alcohol thins the blood which may make you bleed more which could cause issues with the person getting it.

Quality. The possible extra bleeding and being that drunk people aren't the stillest bunch in the world, the tat would probably come out looking like crap.

She makes a big fuss about it saying she knows what she wants, she isn't drunk blah, blah. She mentions something about the artist missing his chance to get to see "this p*ssy'" and flashes him and her brothers and I saw too. This tattoo parlor also had a pool table so she goes and knocks all the balls in the pockets thinking it was a paytable (it wasn't) and mentions something about them having to buy more balls.

The older brother finally snatches her up and carts her out while she screams something like "f*ck it, I didn't want one anyway" on the way to the door along with other vulgarities. The younger brother and I were apologizing to the others there and they were "like it's cool just get her home safe and if she stills wants it when she sobers up tell her to come on back."

The next day the brothers told her about her actions and how embarrassing it was for all involved and she felt pretty bad about it so she went back, while sober, and apologized and got over her fear and got the scorpion tattoo from them.

Getting Threatened... For A Job You Don't Do

A man who threatened me with physical violence because I wouldn't change his piercing jewelry. I'm not a piercer. I don't do that. But he was angry about that and wouldn't leave and I was afraid. That was probably the worst.

Sh*t And Run

I was working on the top floor of the tattoo studio, tattooing a bloke early one Saturday morning. He goes pale and says he needs to pee quickly [so I] point him in the direction of the bathroom.

Ten minutes later I get worried he has passed out on the toilet (it happens), go to walk down the stairs. I notice a super gross stench, look down at the stairs and see tiny little piles of diarrhea on each step.

Guy has sh*t himself on the way to the toilet and runs away, never saw him or his money again!

Thank god for apprentices.

The Whole Works

Let's see, there was the woman who got a butterfly by her navel who screamed directly into my ear canal.

The guy who wouldn't stop price haggling, attempting to pit me against the owner. Trying to get the other artists to undercut me. For a solid hour. That's normal behavior but he took it to the extreme.

The girl farted in my face.

The guy passed out while I was still drawing on him. My 110 lbs ass had to catch this 6 ft. air force dude. That fireman's catch works.

"Get Sum" across an ass.

But the worst are the ones who need to make sure everyone in the shop is looking at them. They scream and moan. And whenever I'm done they say they did well. No, no you didn't. Lol.

Too Many Cooks

I hate it when clients bring friends or partners who silently judge or interfere with the design of the tattoo that I'm working on. One such acquaintance only spoke by whispering in the ear of my client with the changes they wanted me to make. Over and over until they had reduced a palm-sized tattoo to the size of a quarter. I had to redraw every time to make it a design that worked at a smaller size. I worked with the client to make the new design that they were excited about... until they showed it to their partner...

And then there was the hour-and-a-half of trying to place this dot of a design on their body... I almost cried at the end of that day.

I wouldn't allow this kind of thing now, but at that moment I was less practiced with wrangling clients and financially motivated to get through that hellscape of a design process.

Put Your Thumb In There

From my friend's tattoo artist: "A couple comes in, sober as a judge. They have been dating two, maybe four weeks and they want each other's names tattooed... on their anuses. A ring around their anuses with the other person's name. The girl's thing won't stop twitching while I'm doing it, I don't know what to do. Guy says 'Put your thumb in there, that's what I always do.'

God help me, I did. $500 for ten minutes' work."

Back And Forth

The girl who got her boyfriend's name tattooed on her arm. Once they broke up she came back to get it covered with a rose. Naturally, when they got back together she came back to get his name, again and was livid that we refused.

Nailed It

A friend of mine got a tattoo and she started with the screaming, then moved on to dry heaving, and finished the spectacle off by actually puking and passing out. She was getting a butterfly on her wrist if I remember correctly.

And the last time I saw her she had another tat on her leg.

Checked Three Times

Well, I'm sitting here waiting for a lady to come in so I can fix a wrong date I put on her. She looked at the stencil before we started, had her triple check everything like I always do, had her boyfriend check it, the works. Got a text this morning saying the year was wrong.

So this has got to be right up there as far as worst experiences go.

It's Always Your Fault

Had an 18-year-old come in for her first tattoo (with her SO in tow). She wanted a Latin quote that was very important to her. She came in with it already written the way she wanted it and insisted on my not changing it at all. Cool beans. I make sure she knows I know nothing of Latin and to check it over.

I'm tracing it and she notices a tiny typo. I fix it and tell them to look this thing over. Again. Meditate on it. Triple quadruple check that it's spelled right. Good? Good.

I'm tracing it in front of them. This is also right before closing because when have walk-ins ever bothered to not be last minute, right? I've made peace with that I'm staying late for this.

I make the stencil. They check the stencil. I place and replace the stencil several times (again, her first tattoo). She eventually decides she likes it best where I first placed it. Cool.

Have her confirm the stencil and again really focus on that spelling. Good? Still good.

Tattooed her. She and the SO are super satisfied with a job well done.

The next morning she calls up about a typo. Missing letter, she just noticed. She tried convincing the owner that it was my mistake but the manager vouched that I gave them ample opportunities to tweak it and I tattooed what they gave me to tattoo, exactly. I'm still going to fix it after it's healed, for free, but goddamn that's frustrating.

A Big Mistake

Not an artist, but one time I was getting a tattoo and overhead some mother walk in and start screaming at a tattoo artist for tattooing her daughter who was only 15. The girl had a fake ID that was pretty believable, but I'd like to think any artist is going to hesitate before inking "Future Mrs. Justin Bieber" and a portrait of him on any young-looking girl."

Not Okay At All

Not the worst but I had a couple come in, the girl had just turned 18 and the guy looked in their late 30s. She said that he was going to pick whatever he wanted for her to get tattooed on her. He chose to have his name and then "owns me" written across her lower stomach. Nowadays I'd turn that sh*t down but this was when I'd first started tattooing. I was working in a real scumbag shop where my boss was just a massive money grabber, so I didn't have much of a choice but to do it.

So she's getting the tattoo done, all the while he's saying about how they're coming back the next day for him to get her nickname on his neck: "Princess Bubby." He keeps going out on the phone, and when he comes back she was going "I know you're talking to other girls, don't lie to me" and he's just laughing in the most cocksure way. Towards the end she looks at him with big puppy dog eyes and goes "I love you" and he just replied, "I know."

Safe to say he never came back for Princess Bubby.

A Brave Girl

The girl sharted when getting tattoos on her butt cheeks.

Total Breakdown

Think for me it was when I had a small name on someone's back.

She told me at the beginning she was prone to fainting and she stated it on her consent form too. I nonchalantly brushed it off and told her she'd be fine.

I get to the last letter and she asks if we could have a quick break because she felt lightheaded. It was around Halloween at the time so her friend brought in the pumpkin bucket of sweets we had out in the waiting room.

I thought she was just leaning forwards to have a look at what goodies were in there, but instead, it was more her doing a Luigi-style torpedo forwards off the chair onto the floor. I luckily sprinted around and caught her before her head hit the floor. She had a small fit and came around about a minute later.

Whilst on this subject, don't worry about anything like that if you're considering a tattoo. Like embarrassing yourself or whatnot. It's not a nice experience for us either. If they are reputable artists, you'll be in safe hands if it does happen. 

The Screamer

My artist told me about the woman who could only be described as "the screamer." Screamed during the entire tattoo. Didn't want to stop, just wanted to scream. How the cops weren't called is amazing. 

#21

The stories of these tattoo artists' worst customer encounters get pretty graphic - everything from bodily fluids to yelling to requests for penis upkeep is included. The worst tattoo parlor clients have a little bit of everything.

Although understandably, people might be nervous and not be at their best when getting a tattoo - especially if it's their first - these stories emphasize the importance of knowing what you're getting into and what's going to be tattooed on you... and it's also important to remember that tattoo artists make mistakes as well.