The 12 Step Emotional Journey Of Ordering Delivery

By Muk Khatri in Funny On 23rd August 2015

#1 We admit that we are powerless over delivery, that our hunger has become unmanageable and we are so, so lazy, and delivery would be so good right now, right?

#2 We came to believe that a restaurant, a chef greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

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#3 We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this delivery estimate as we understood the online ordering system.

#4 Bragged to our roommate, our partner, our best friend, and maybe even someone on Tinder about the exact nature of our food order

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#5 We were entirely ready to have the delivery guy bring our food, like super, super hungry, like starving

#6 Humbly, we wondered where the fuck the food was?

#7 We made list of ways we could contact the restaurant to see why it was taking so long, but decided it best not to do so

#8 We made direct contact with the restaurant after we waited another ten minutes, because seriously? Where the hell is it? Oh my god, I am so hungry

#9 Continued to wait for the knock on the door, the buzzer, the bell, and promptly realized we couldn't wait any longer

#10 We made a searching and fearless, scrutinizing inventory of every local food spot: are they still open? Is there a delivery fee? But will the fries be soggy? 65 minutes?! We left no stone unturned.

#11 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we sought to eat the food as slowly as Netflix would allow, and told ourselves we made a really great choice, and swore to tell others of the leftovers, but really just to eat most of it now

#12 Sought through prayer and meditation to bring the food to our doorstep, without hurting ourselves or others in the process, and heard—oh, is that the delivery guy? Yeah, then we sought to get up and get the food as soon as fucking possible