The Absolute Dumbest Animals Ever

By Editorial Staff in Nature On 28th August 2016
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#1 Pandas

As endangered as they are, pandas are not really doing anything to keep their own species alive. Bamboo is about the only thing that pandas will eat and it has almost no nutritional value whatsoever. Because of their diet, pandas are constantly munching and laying around with no energy.

#2 They're Too Lazy To Care

If a female panda can be bothered to get off her lazy rump and mate once a year, she won't even realize she's pregnant. Sometimes pandas give birth without even realizing it and freak out and they kill the tiny babies. They may be oh so adorable, but pandas don't even seem to care about living.

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#3 Sloths

Apart from their nightmarish faces and sleazy looking eyes, sloths are pretty baffling animals. They're the slowest animals in the world and spend over 80% of their time curled up into balls in tree branches. Once a week, the sloth will descend their trees to take a poop on the ground and then slowly climb back up the tree. No one knows why they don't just poop in the trees like other animals. Luckily they live in generally warm climates because female sloths can't digest food when their body is too cold.

#4 Koalas

Koalas are beloved Australian animals, but in reality, they're just tiny stoned toddlers covered in soft fur. Koalas have the smallest brains of any mammals known to man, making up only 2% of its body weight. Their favorite food is eucalyptus leaves which are so hard to digest that the koala had to develop four stomachs to deal with it. The literally could eat any other leaves but don't. They also fight viciously with each other and squeal like annoying little babies. They are also filthy! It's estimated that over 90% of koalas have chlamydia. Yuck!

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#5 Turkeys

The dumbest and arguably the most delicious of birds has to be the turkey. You just have to look at these giant gobbley birds to see why they're considered one of the dumbest birds on the planet. Turkeys have a condition called Tetanic Torticollis Spasms which means that every now and then they will stare at the sky for more than 45 seconds without blinking, even if it's raining. Male turkeys also have a raging sex drive. They have been obsessed trying to have sex with mannequin turkeys and even just decapitated turkey heads.

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#6 Kakapo

This native New Zealand bird is so dumb that it may as well have no wings or a brain. Though the kakapo looks somewhat like an owl, it is technically a parrot, but it can't actually fly. It evolved with no predators around threaten it, but since man discovered the bird they have increasingly diminished in population. Estimates are that there are only 150 of the kakapo still alive today. The wander around the forest looking for food and they freeze when they're scared and don't move. They are a predators dream catch.

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#7 Pink Fairy Armadillo

No, this is not a prairie dog wearing pastel colored armour. it's actually an armadillo. Unlike your everyday tough looking armadillo, this little precious creatures shell is not actually fully attached to its body. It's so soft and delicate that it can't use its shell to protect itself from predators. The pink fairy armadillo uses the shell primarily as a heating and cooling system, and they spend most of their time avoiding enemies by burrowing underground where they just sit for days and weeks.

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#8 Flatfish

Some animals just look dumb. The flatfish is actually pretty clever, but those looks make you want to laugh. When these fish are born they look like ordinary fish, but when they hit puberty one of the flatfish's eyes literally migrates to the other side of the fish's head to be with the other. That's when they also begin swimming on their sides and can live at the very bottom of the seabed.

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#9 Dumb Noses

Evolution was not at all kind to these poor creatures, who have some of the dumbest noses in the whole animal kingdom. Firstly, the Proboscis monkey, whose nose looks like a weird alien penis. How are the rest of the animals supposed to take him seriously? Then there's also the Saiga Antelope whose snout is part elephant, part camel nose, and half vacuum cleaner. They may be intelligent, but how dumb do they look?

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#10 Dogs

Dogs are very intelligent. Normally. While most are very highly trained, these dogs take the cake for doing the dumbest things ever. According to a pet insurance company, this Labrador Retriever whose name is Stella got her entire lower jaw stuck in a can of beans. Another dog ate an entire Thanksgiving ham while being stuck inside of a refrigerator waiting for someone to open the door. Apart from a tummy ache he had a severe case of hypothermia. Then there's Haley, a pug who ate over 100 rocks and stones in just ten minutes. She then proceeded to poop them all out... one by one.