#1 A Bulbous-Nosed Pinocchio
Okay. Just exactly how big of a lie did this guy tell? It had to be a whopper to warrant a schnoz of such Hindenburg proportions. We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief that this 1937 style Pinocchio wasn't magically turned into a real boy.
#2 A Dragon With a Mouth Full of Razor Teeth
"Nothing says 'Happy Holidays' like a giant evil dragon balloon with a mouth full of razor sharp teeth," said nobody ever.
#3 Cannibal Ronald McDonald?
It's always been assumed that Ronald McDonald eats, well... you know... hamburgers. But seeing him tower over the little people dressed in yellow certainly raises questions about his diet. What is in a McDonald's hamburger, anyway?
#4 The Strung-Out Lion
It's totally obvious that Linus the Lion had a little bit of a substance abuse problem back in 1973... He was probably huffing helium.
#5 Pink Panther the Stalker
Watch out, kid. He's coming for you.
#6 A Freaky Hovering Turkey
If you were a kid, and you saw this coming at you, would you ever celebrate Thanksgiving again?
#7 Blood Thirsty Pirhana
What are the chances that a fish like this would prefer Thanksgiving turkey to human flesh?
#8 Disembodied Smirking Head
Well, well, well. You can almost hear this guy cackling about his evil plot to take over the city, while kneading his hands together furiously and pacing the floor, even though he has no hands to knead, and no legs to pace. Just a cackling head on a string... muah-ha-ha-haaa-ing his way into the nightmares of children everywhere.
#9 PO'd Popeye
Popeye is seriously pissed off. Unless that's a look of constipation. Quick! Get the man a can of spinach!
#10 Alligator With Seasonal Depression
This alligator is so mopey, he's hardly striking any fear into the hearts of parade onlookers, which was obviously the measure of a good balloon back in the day.
#11 Morose, Weeping Clown
The KAWS Companion already successfully terrorized the people of Hong Kong in sculpture form so it was decided a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon was in order for 2013, to get Americans in on the fun. How were children to respond to this gray, suicidal-looking monstrosity aside from asking for a prescription for Paxil?
#12 Scary, Finger Wagging Policeman
Before the days of reality television shows about juvenile delinquents being exposed to frightening prison experiences, they just used this gigantic policeman balloon to scare kids straight.
#13 The Catatonic Eddie Cantor
The actual Eddie Cantor looked nothing like his balloon recreation, which appears as if it has been sniffing some strong glue. Cantor was best known for lifting his voice in song, but with those eyes like saucers and the backwards arms... he'd probably be hard pressed to lift anything, let alone holiday spirits. At least he's sporting some bling.
#14 A Very Angry Captain Nemo
You know that old song and the saying, "I Love A Parade?" Well, this 1929 Captain Nemo balloon does not.
#15 Shifty-Eyed Elf on the Shelf
As if the whole "Elf on the Shelf" phenomenon isn't creepy enough, they had to come up with a balloon, too. Notice he's clutching his knees and rocking in the fetal position, just as every parent finds themselves at some point during the Yuletide season.
#16 Limp and Alarmed Santa
Someone let the air out of Santa, and it if it wasn't for his phallic goatee propping up his head, we'd miss the look of shock in his creepy, unblinking eyes.
#17 Kinky Acrobats
Although the mustache is slightly suspect, this big, beefy acrobat seems to be above-board since he does have some "official looking medals" and a star pinned to his chest. Not too sure about those thigh garters, though... or that little guy clinging to his ankles.
#18 Indifferent and Aged Superman
It seems this Superman is more concerned with fiber intake and bran muffins than leaping tall buildings in a single bound. Perhaps he's hungover. Get that balloon an Alka-Seltzer!
#19 Overly Excitable Weiner Dog
In addition to being wayyyyyy too excited to be in the parade, this pup from 1931 is in desperate need of a visit to the fire hydrant. Take it easy there, little buddy.
#20 Leering Uncle Sam
There's really no escaping it: Big Brother is watching you!
#21 Socially Awkward Tin Man
This tin man looks like a silver version of your run-of-the-mill drunk uncle, who doesn't mix well at family gatherings. One good thing about this 1939 balloon: You can tell where Seinfeld's Elaine Benes picked up her cool dance moves.
#22 The Irrelevant Jeeves
What's more depressing than seeing a balloon of an outdated dot com company mascot floating down the street like a ghost? A mascot that happens to be in the shape of a 60-year-old butler.
#23 A Horrifying Scarecrow
The fleshy, lumpy skin on this scarecrow balloon is enough to make one wish they could teleport to Kansas just to escape it.
#24 Faceless Sky Dancer
The face of this Sky Dancer deflated during the 69th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in 1995, horrifying little girls across the country.
